After The Crown

Internal Conflict & Decision Making

I drummed my fingers against the table, surveying the break room full of models.

Another convention. Another day. I was once again working for another client for another paycheck, counting down the hours until I got to leave my post.

I felt no creative drive. No desire to improve my self. I didn’t want to write. I didn’t want to produce anything. Other models talked about going to the gym after the day was over. I tried to calculate how many West Wing episodes I could watch before I needed to go to bed.

west-wing-cast

I think it’s safe to say I was in a rut.

How had I allowed this to happen?

Just a year ago I was hustling to see the end of my Miss Nevada reign through, wondering what possibilities awaited me after I gave up the title. Once I crowned my successor I would have more time for travel, outside interests, and to continue to build upon the relationships I’d created.

Photo by Erik Kabik/RETNA

Photo by Erik Kabik/RETNA

It felt like I’d spent most of the last six months just recovering from my year, waiting for something else exciting to happen.

But why was I waiting for the Universe to put something into motion for me? When had that EVER worked?

Break was over. The dozen or so models filed back to the floor to finish out the day. I went back to reciting literature on Toshiba products, discussing with techies and business men the importance of our innovations. But my mind churned in a different direction.

Nothing positive ever manifested from me playing it safe. Hadn’t I learned by now that my biggest growing moments came from me being uncomfortable and throwing myself into the unknown?

hilary-photo-5

I needed to get out of here.

But you don’t have money to travel, said that Practical voice inside my head. You need to stay and work and build up a savings for your ‘future’.

My internal battle had begun.

Why? My adventurous side fought back. You’ve had six months to do that. You’ve saved nothing and been miserable. How’s that worked out so far?

Where would you go? You haven’t traveled solo in a very long time. You wouldn’t even remember how, Practicality argued.

Adventure huffed. Who says I’d have to go alone? Just because you haven’t TRIED traveling with someone else doesn’t mean you couldn’t.

Well, think about the aftermath. So you go somewhere. What are you going to do when you get back? You’ll regret leaving and taking time away from building a career.

Practicality seemed satisfied with ending the conversation there.

No. Adventure wasn’t done yet. Give me ONE example of a trip you’ve regretted taking. Every time you leave you come back more determined and focused and driven. Give me just one example of a trip that wasn’t worth the time and money and we won’t go.

Practicality faltered. Adventure took the silence as agreement and ran with the opportunity.

The decision was made. It was time to go somewhere. And soon. Another day of product demonstrating and I was going to pull my hair out. I left that day with a new found sense of motivation.

As it just so happened, that evening a fellow travel blogger messaged me on Facebook.

“How do you feel about a joint trip?” He asked.

I guess it turns out once you start taking action, the Universe does, too.

Here we go again…

4 Comments

  • Reply

    Gene

    June 15, 2015

    To Ms. Adventure: You perfectly described “The Doldrums”. A place in the ocean where the winds are still and you just drift with the tide under the oppressive heat and humidity. Jobs and life are full of these.

    To Ms. Practicality: Do not fear. You have built a strong foundation for both you and your career. By keeping in contact with the friends and colleagues you have met, you will always have opportunities for employment.

    Hilary: This is a one of your best posts to date! I’ve always loved your honesty and the way you describe your thoughts and feelings through words and you really brought it this time. I’m glad you took the brave step to continue the adventure and look forward to your next post.

    PS: Who is the mystery blogger?

    • Reply

      Hilary

      June 23, 2015

      To Gene: Thank you for always finding a way to reach me that makes sense in my brain. It’s still baffles me that you’ve faithfully followed my story for so many years. And I’m glad to hear you enjoyed the post! more to come. And as far as the mystery blogger… So the story goes… ;)

  • Reply

    Mo

    July 15, 2015

    Good for you dear!!! Get out there. I love both kinds of travel, solo and with others. Both have their own sets of advantages and challenges. Plus, I’m not sure what career you were building by modeling product. If it’s investing in a career that you’re after, I think the trip is an excellent way to do that!

    Ps- sorry I am so behind in my blog reading!

    • Reply

      Hilary

      July 21, 2015

      Haha! I love that you still take the time to come back to my blogsite and read at all! And clearly, I’m behind in my blog writing, too. At least we’ve all been busy!

      Sending you lots of love, fellow traveler!

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About Me

About Me

Hey fellow adventurers, my name is Hilary! After being rejected from grad school, I took off on a solo journey around the world. Now I constantly challenge myself to take on new experiences. This blog documents my journeys from Europe to Fiji, swimming with sharks and living with tribes, to becoming an accidental beauty queen and working for one of the top national media outlets. If you like what you're reading, please subscribe! Here's to the next great adventure!

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