It all seems like a vivid dream.
I can fully remember the experience of being on a Nicaraguan beach. I remember how the ridges of the sea shells felt against the bottom of my feet but I can’t seem to get back there again. Like those sweet dreams that are interrupted by screaming alarm clocks; you can’t return to the same magical land no matter how many times you reposition your pillow.
The waves echo in my head as I swim to the bottom of my pool, looking for a board or a current to carry me away. If it wasn’t for the chipped lilac polish on my nails I would wonder if I actually even left the country.
I am very aware that I possess the same mind, body, and material possessions as I did before beginning this adventure. But I feel like a different person, or rather, a reawakened person.
I don’t know how to explain it, but my world is more focused. I can now push past the noise of the television, mute my phone, and ignore the neurotic voices of surrounding bodies.
I feel like my spirit learned how to hone in on what’s vital. My survival instincts are making me search for support, positivity, and light. I no longer have tolerance for the rest. I only have tunnel vision for adventure and encouragement. I can laugh and encourage those around me without bitterness or hidden agendas. I strive to fill my garden of friends with nourishing and joyous souls.
I am suddenly aware of the impact all of my choices have on the environment. I can choose to live a more sustainable life. I can choose to feel grateful for the plentiful food on my table and to enjoy the simplicity and beauty of walking barefoot.
I am forever altered from this inspirational venture. My new eyes match only my bare feet in rawness and pace. I will look the same to most of you but you will notice slight shifts in my behavior, in the paths I choose to walk. Concrete is too constricting and hot for me nowadays. I choose instead the grass and soft dirt.
I spoke on the phone with a friend after arriving back to the states. I briefly explained to her the wonderful adventures I had been on and how I felt changed by the journey.
After I had finished my reader’s digest report, I waited for her to respond. The phone was quiet for a few moments before she replied. “Wow, Hilary, what an experience. You sound like a completely different person. It’s like you’re becoming the person you were always supposed to be.” She paused and softly laughed, “I can’t wait to meet you again.”
I can’t wait to meet you either.